tigerbeatpoet, xo

what i listen to on the way there and in between

Monday, July 21, 2008

I have always had a bit of an issue with how much is too much to say on this blog. I compare it to when I think I have spilled entirely too much of my guts to someone whose middle name I don't even know. But such is the nature of online diaries or blogs or whatever you want to call them.

But as does this girl above, I too wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes I feel like it makes it easier for me to empathize with others, sometimes I feel like it's my biggest curse, all this saying too much, all of this trying to connect with others in a disconnected world. Sometimes I think I expect too much out of people, and it becomes unfair to them.

I still have a lot of growing up to do, a lot of things to figure out. I've got a big bridge to cross, taking me over some canyon or ravine called "what will people think." I know... that fucking metaphor almost made me puke too.

But I think it all comes down to me not wanting to be nice and polite anymore. Something broke, and I don't even want to fix it. I just want to move forward from here.

I blame both megabus drivers that snapped at me to and from Chicago this weekend.

Friday, July 11, 2008

This was the first Margaret Keane print that I bought this summer - and I just realized that it's called "Edge of Summer"

What a coincedence - that's where I feel like I am at...

I boarded up the blog awhile back, since I was looking for another cube job to pay the rent and support my red bull and cigarettes habit before my 401K ran out... and now that I have found that coveted day job, the padlocks can come off now...

And speaking of the Margaret Keane and general kitsch obsession that has overcome me in the past month - I bought another old framed print... I'm gonna go get it tomorrow.

I'm never certain if people actually read my blog. However, if you do, chances are you know what I've been up to. But as a joyous return to personal blogging, I figured I'd fill you in on my adventures in unemployment - even if I am doing so in a "Dear Diary" sort of way.

- I cashed out my 401K, as I mentioned before - and I'd like to announce that it's almost gone. So the hourly gig I just landed is really going to come in handy.

- I wrote almost every day, be it for actual work, or full-blown rants and confessionals that are safely tucked away in my computer's memory.

- I went through so many packs of cigarettes and let piles of papers and mail and magazines pile up all over my messy apartment (I will be spending hours and hours cleaning it to grown-up, I-have-a-job-now/I'm sort-of a grown-up perfection this weekend)

- I passively watched a lot of television while spending ridiculous, uncalled-for amounts of time on the internet. I am really excited to get away from that behavior

- I celebrated my three-year anniversary with Jesse over 4th of July weekend surrounded by a panorama of fireworks on North Long Lake, suffering a painful ear popping in nine feet of hotel pool water during an accidental cannonball, and spent many, many hours in the sun, drinking beers and smoking cigarettes while hopefully endearing myself slightly to Jesse's family

- I went back and forth from realizing my calling and contemplated destroying it.

And one super big thing that hasn't happened yet but I am sooooooo excited about?

I'm seeing these guys a week from today:

I might lose my mind. My first time seeing PE, my first time in Chicago. It doesn't seem real!!

And I am seeing this guy once or twice in August - I haven't decided how many times yet...

Can I make it five times in one year??? I wish! It will probably just be KC for me, but I am not ruling anything out.

And one more thing, just as exciting to me as all these other great live music experiences - but I would not be surprized if it was mildly disappointing, but....

JUDAS PRIEST IS COMING TO TOWN!!!! omgomgomg... here, I know this is cheezy, but it's simultaneously perfect.

Ok - so I will stop lamenting the end of my summer break. Cause it surely isn't over...